Online we can be anything we want; hot, smart, a professional athlete or even a total douchebag.
The Internet gives us ambiguity that we don’t have in real life. We can say anything, true or not, and no one will know. This is bad enough, but it also appears to embolden men who are online dating.
The initial message a guy sends is like him approaching in a bar or elsewhere IRL, but what they say often is not at all like how a man would speak to you in the real world. #Godwilling
Apparently, wearing a Harry Potter shield of online invisibility, empowers these assholes to say things that are so utterly inappropriate and offensive that I am left shaking my head, struggling to reconcile that this level of crassness and douchebagness is what I am dealing with, and thinking “does your mother know this is how you talk to women?” #sadstateofaffairs
Here’s a sampling of actual messages I have recently received #nofilter:
Justforfunbi (no comment on that) writes: “Wow. Stunning. Would let a younger guy go down on you?”
MNtoAZguy writes: “Want to have some fun? Ever been with an uncut guy”
AgentFarnsworth writes: “Netflix and chill this morning? I have a few things to drink like fireball and UV blue if that’s your cup of tea”
Are you freaking kidding me?
Why in the hell does anyone think this is an appropriate way to talk to a stranger? Is it just a sign of a larger problem that we have in this society? The more connected online we are, the more disconnected we are in forging real connection and treating each other with respect. Can you imagine if a man would have spewed this kind of crap while courting your Grandmother or your mother? Of course you can’t. There would have been consequences if he had. Today, in a world that is more Matrix than Mulberry there are no consequences. People can say what they want hiding behind a stupid username and the invisibility that the online world provides.
Today 33% of marriages start online. What is the story of how we met that we’re going to tell our grandchildren? Oh, I knew he was the one when he asked if I liked uncut guys. NOT!
I think the Internet can be a great way to meet someone we otherwise never would have but c’mon guys, lets return civility to courting. Just because you’re approaching via a screen rather than in person shouldn’t give you the right to be a total douchebag.